the countdown begins...3 months to go

With only 3 months left until my service ends on Sept 6^th, I just spent most of last week at my COS (close of service) conference in Valle de Angeles near Tegucigalpa. Of the 53 of us who started out on June 21^st, 2006, there are still 42 remaining. We lost 3 to general discontent, 2 to medical situations; another 4 to an unfortunate mishap during training, and 2 others accepted job opportunities here and in the US.

And after almost two years here in Honduras we all reconvened to share our experiences, start our exit paperwork and medical screenings, and prepare ourselves to another big change in our lives…for some that change will be moving on to new posts (3 are going to Africa + 1 to the Dominican Republic), a few people are continuing to complete projects here in Honduras, but for the majority of us, it means returning home to the United States. I have often heard that it is much harder to make this adjustment going home after the Peace Corps than it is to adjust to life in your new host country. And as a somewhat emotional person I can already say I see how this might be true…

A few weeks ago I was home in the states for Sara and Beth’s Commitment Ceremony. I had the chance to visit with my best friend Jen and her 2 year old Isabella, had some great sister bonding time when we were in California, and during the down time my parents and extended relatives spent good quality time just being together and exploring San Francisco. And when I got on the plane to go back home to Honduras, I wasn’t ready to leave. Even though my service ends in September, I have plans to travel with friends afterwards to South America, which will have me getting home just before Christmas. As I left my parents at the curb of National Airport I had to promise mom through her tears that I would not fall in love with a Peruvian man, nor an Ecuadorian man, nor any other man that would take me far away from Springfield, VA, so that I would eventually come home!

But despite the fact that I didn’t want my vacation to end, I also realized how much anxiety I have about “going home” – about making this big change again in my life, just when everything seems so perfect and settled where I am. Ok, so maybe “perfect” isn’t the best word, but it’s what I have come to know, and I have adapted to a lifestyle very different from the US. And at our COS conference I also realized that I am not the only one going through some of these emotions. Some general feelings that we are going through are what it’s going to be like to be in a place that places so much emphasis on “having” – material things (cars, clothes, cell phones, etc)…and consumption, waste, lack of resourcefulness…Other general consensus is how difficult it will be to adjust again to work environments and productivity levels when coming from places where one can play solitaire on their computer all day and make a salary better than that of us volunteers. Others are concerned about what it will be like to not be so “special” anymore. We get so much attention here in our communities because of how much we stand out. For example, I am the only white female with blonde hair and blue eyes in La Paz, Honduras. It is likely that I will never again live in a place where this is the case. But I am okay with that J

When I was in Springfield, I had two really special and unexpected experiences. The first morning I was home, I went into the Bagel Bakery to pick up breakfast on my way to Jen’s house. I didn’t realize I was wearing my Honduras shirt but when I approached the counter, the woman looked at me and asked me in Spanish if I was from Honduras. What a bizarre question, I thought…until I remembered what I had put on that morning. And it turns out she is from Namisigue, Choluteca (where my friend Raul lives). We talked for a few minutes and as I moved down to the cash register the next woman continued speaking to me in Spanish, and then finally looked up at me and said, “but you have gringa eyes”. I went on my way but couldn’t stop thinking about that exchange…it made my day! Never before in Springfield, had I ever imagined having a conversation in Spanish. I was delighted. Then the following afternoon, mom and I had nail appointments for my sister’s wedding. We sat down at the salon and she started talking to the woman doing her nails but the woman doing my nails didn’t strike up conversation. I had the sense she was Latina, but didn’t want to assume; I finally asked her where she was from. What are the odds? Her name was Esperanza and she, too, was from Honduras. She’d been in VA for almost 14 years and she works in a place where very few clients speak her language. Then in walks this gringa who wants to talk with her and actually knows her home, and with that connection she felt comfortable sharing with me how she misses her country and her family, how her kids can’t stand speaking Spanish, and she commented on how odd it was that there she is in “my country” while I am in “her country”. It was so neat for me to be able to make that connection when I was longing to speak Spanish and feel connected to people the way I do in Honduras, and here was this woman right in front of me. It was then I realized how much Peace Corps has opened doors for me, and how it will continue to impact my life once I am back “home”. Peace Corps has been a remarkable experience. I can say it has changed me, although in ways that I may not yet realize, but I already know that my life is more rich because of it.